Understanding ALEC

Starting conversations with men who are struggling may seem daunting. But getting them to open up can be easier with practice. Movember.com has some helpful tips to help you start, including A.L.E.C. A.L.E.C. is four simple steps to help you navigate a conversation with a friend who might be struggling.

Learn how to use this simple, proven, and helpful guide to reach out to a man who’s going through tough times.

Ask

Start by asking how he’s feeling. It’s worth mentioning any changes you’ve picked up on. Maybe he’s spending more time at the bar, has gone quiet in the group chat, or isn’t turning up to social events. Whatever it is, he’s just not himself.

Use a prompt like, “You haven’t seemed yourself lately – are you feeling OK?”

Trust your instinct. Remember, people often say “I’m fine” when they’re not, so don’t be afraid to ask twice.
You can use something specific you’ve noticed, like, “It’s just that you haven’t been replying to my texts, and that’s not like you.”

Listen

Give him your full attention. Let him know you’re hearing what he’s saying and you’re not judging. You don’t have to diagnose problems or offer solutions, but asking questions lets him know you’re listening.

Ask a question like,
“That can’t be easy – how long have you felt this way?”

Encourage Action

Help him focus on simple things that might improve how he feels. Is he getting enough sleep? Is he exercising and eating well? Maybe there’s something that’s helped him in the past – it’s worth asking.

Suggest that he share how he’s feeling with others he trusts. This will make things easier for both of you. And if he’s felt low for more than two weeks, suggest that he chat to his doctor.

Check In

Suggest you catch up soon – in person if you can. If you can’t manage a meet-up, make time for a call, or drop him a message. This helps to show that you care; plus, you’ll get a feel for whether he’s feeling any better.

For helpful tips on how to check in on your friends visit our Check In page