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Between Worlds: A Journey Through Psychosis, Depression, and Recovery 

Education is one of the most powerful tools we have in the fight against stigma. To foster understanding and compassion around mental health, CMHA-NS has created this platform to amplify the voices of those with lived experience.

Whether living with mental illness, navigating recovery, or supporting a loved one, these voices offer insight, challenge stigma, and remind us that healing is possible.

Jennifer’s journey with Schizoaffective Disorder – Bipolar Type, a condition that combines features of both schizophrenia and mood disorders like bipolar disorder, is one of courage, resilience, and transformation.

Through psychosis, mania, depression, and recovery, Jennifer has navigated a complex mental health landscape that often goes unseen and misunderstood. Her story sheds light on the lived experience behind the diagnosis — breaking down stigma, embracing vulnerability, and showing us what true healing can look like.

*Jennifer is a pseudonym used to protect the individual’s privacy.

CONTENT WARNING: This story contains brief references to trauma, including suicidal thoughts, involuntary hospitalization.

My name is Jennifer. I’m an artist, an advocate, a student of life — and I live with schizoaffective disorder – Bipolar Type, a condition that combines features of both schizophrenia and mood disorders like bipolar disorder. 

I wasn’t always able to say that so plainly. It took time, pain, and a whole lot of healing to understand what was happening in my mind and how to live with it. Schizophrenia is often misunderstood — people hear the word and picture scary stereotypes from movies. But it’s a deeply human condition. It’s not who I am, but it’s a part of my story. 

What Psychosis Feels Like 

For me, schizoaffective disorder means I experience psychotic symptoms — like delusions, disorganized thinking, and distorted perceptions — alongside the intense mood swings of bipolar disorder, including both manic highs and crushing depressions. Sometimes the symptoms overlap. Other times they take turns. But psychosis is what’s hardest to explain. 

It’s not just about “hearing voices” or “seeing things.” It’s the way reality becomes slippery. My thoughts can race so fast that they disconnect from the real world. I’ve believed things that weren’t true — with absolute certainty. I’ve felt like the world was speaking directly to me through signs, symbols, or strangers’ words. 

It’s like walking through life with a broken compass, where up feels like down, and your own mind becomes a maze. 

There’s a kind of fragility to it. But oddly, there’s also beauty. I’ve felt profoundly connected to the universe — even in moments when I couldn’t explain why. It’s like my brain is tuned to a frequency most people can’t hear. That sensitivity has made me who I am, even if it also brought pain. 

And honestly? I don’t know if I’d want to be “cured.” I want stability, yes — but I don’t want to lose the vividness, the empathy, or the depth that living with this condition has given me. Would you see me if that disappeared? 

My Diagnosis Journey 

I was 20 when I was finally diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder – Bipolar Type. But long before that, I knew I was different. I was impulsive, full of energy, and often overwhelmed by my emotions. I dropped out of school. I burned bridges. I didn’t know that I was heading toward full-blown psychosis. 

When it happened, I lost touch with reality completely. I scared the people around me — and I scared myself. I was hospitalized twice, against my will. Those were some of the hardest, most dehumanizing experiences of my life. But amid all that fear and confusion, someone — a nurse, a support worker, a friend — saw me. Not a label. Not a problem. A human being in pain. 

That changed everything. 

Fighting Stigma 

There is so much stigma surrounding schizophrenia and psychosis. People assume we’re violent or unpredictable. But the truth is, we are far more likely to be victims of violence than to commit it. The real danger comes from being misunderstood — and from a system that too often fails to care. 

My diagnosis includes the word “schizo,” and that alone scares people. But I am not a monster. I’m someone living with a complex mental illness who wants the same things everyone else does connection, stability, purpose. We need to stop defining people by their most unstable moments. We are more than our crises. 

Redefining Recovery 

Recovery isn’t linear. It’s messy, slow and filled with setbacks. I’ve tried more medications than I can count. Some worked for a while. Some didn’t. Some made everything worse. But eventually, I found a treatment plan that gave me space to breathe — to think, to feel, to rebuild. 

Therapy helped. So did peer support. But what really saved me were the people who didn’t give up on me. Friends who stayed. Family who loved me through the chaos. That kind of support is more powerful than any prescription. 

Living with schizoaffective disorder still has its challenges. I must manage my sleep, monitor my moods, and stay alert to relapse. But I’ve built a life I’m proud of. I’ve gone back to school. I’ve travelled. I’ve made art. And now I help others who are navigating their own mental health journeys. 

What I Want You to Know 

If you are living with psychosis, schizophrenia, or schizoaffective disorder — please hear this: you are not broken. Your brain works differently, yes. But you can live a full, meaningful life. You can find peace. You can find people who see you, not just your diagnosis. 

If you love someone who is struggling, don’t give up. Set boundaries. Take care of yourself. But keep believing in them. It makes more of a difference than you know. 

And if you’re someone like me? Be proud. You’ve survived so much. I was unhoused. I’ve lived through delusion, despair, and darkness. But I’m still here. And now, every morning I wake up with purpose. 

Schizoaffective Disorder – Bipolar Type doesn’t define me. It’s one part of a complex, vibrant life. Living with psychosis doesn’t make me dangerous or less human. It makes me someone who’s learned to live with uncertainty and still find hope. 

We are not our labels. We are artists, thinkers, helpers, survivors. 

And most of all — we are never alone. 

Resources

Books 

For information on Mood Disorders, visit: 

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